Breaking Up And Binge-Drinking: More Games For Your Solo Cup

(Yes, my relationship is over but my love affair with alcohol will never die. Remember: people come and go but liver damage is forever.)

This September, Alessandro and I celebrated our four-year anniversary. We met on campus in my sophomore year of college and moved in together after a little over a year as we continued our education together. Things were good. It was easy. Considering my love of dysfunction, I should’ve realized something wasn’t quite right.

Make no mistake, in this story I am the bad guy. We met just as I ended my first relationship and I hopped into this one without really giving myself time to think or grieve or remember to go to class. Sure, I loved him, but not enough to imagine a future together or to not feel the need to talk to other guys. (I KNOW I’M THE  WORST, SHUT UP ABOUT IT.) Anyways, recently we started to see we didn’t have enough money to keep living in our apartment together so we both moved back in with our parents and decided to call it quits.

It’s weird being alone after 7 years of boyfriends. I still have my friends but sometimes you just wanna tell someone that you found a really long nose hair or saw a bumper sticker that said “I brake for wet leaves”, and you go to pick up your phone to send the news but you realize nobody except your significant other would even care, and suddenly you’re like,

“Shit… I really am alone.”

Then you start to ask yourself what you used to do before you had someone to chill with 24/7 and your mind becomes that scene from SpongeBob Squarepants where he’s trying to remember his name.

All you know is fine dining and breathing. (And in my case, drinking.)

With that in mind, I’ve developed a few more drinking games you can play by yourself because who’s about to stop you? Certainly not your significant other because you’re alone and no one loves you.

Drinking Games to Play Alone:

1. Download Tinder. Take a drink every time you swipe right, chug if it’s a match.
2. Go through your phone, Facebook, picture library, etc. and drink whenever you delete a picture of your ex. (Because that’s how you win. At drinking AND at life.)
3. Make a list of all your past lovers/significant others/crushes and text ALL OF THEM. Drink if they text you back. Chug if they hit you up for a booty call.
4. This one’s obvious and possibly overused but open Chat Roulette, Omegle, whatever else they have now and shuffle through the people. Drink whenever you see a penis.
5. Solo Beer Pong: All you need for this is a table, a wall, cups, and ping pong balls. Put the table against the wall and arrange cups in front of you the way you normally would in beer pong but only your side. Use the table and the wall to bounce the balls into your own cups. Drink when you make the shot, etc. (normal rules apply).
6. Turn on one of your favorite (or least favorite) movies or tv shows. Make your own drinking game!! (It’s fun.) For example, I used to make drinking games for the Presidential debates but I was too good at them and I almost got alcohol poisoning so I stopped. (I’m actually thinking about making a whole series of drinking games for movies and tv shows to put on this blog so if you have any requests, leave them in the comments below.)
7. Put your playlist on shuffle. Try for mostly love songs. Drink every time you cry. (This also works for sad movies and looking through the aforementioned pictures of your ex as well.)

Well, that’s all I have for now. If you want more, refer to my last post about drinking games to play alone. It’s a decent read. If you have any ideas you’d like to share, feel free to leave them in the comments below. And remember: you’re never alone when there’s booze and twitter.

The Greatest Drinking Games You’ll Ever Play. Even If You’re Drinking Alone.

(Well, some of them require other people. Use your imagination.)

In honor of Labor Day (which I totally forgot about until 2 days ago), this post is about drinking. Hopefully right now, you’re getting wasted at a neighborhood barbecue or drinking beer in front of your television (like me, because you don’t have any friends).

When I drink, I tend to stay up all night by myself after everyone else goes to bed, so I’ve developed some awesome drinking games that you can play by yourself. Also some fun ones that nobody else (as far as I know) has ever thought of. I hate most drinking games because you can only play “Purple” or “King’s Cup” so many times before you’re like, “Let’s just drink every time someone says the word ‘the’.” I personally don’t really need drinking games.

(My favorite is called “Just Drink, Pussy”.)

But people seem to like them, so I’m gonna share a couple with you. The best one, in my opinion, is a game you play by yourself when everyone else goes to bed (or you’re just really bored).

1. The Picture Game

I need to think of a better title, but here it is. You’re gonna need yourself, a camera (on a phone, computer, or otherwise) and of course, booze. I prefer using the built-in camera of my laptop because then I can make a bunch of faces and hit the “Snap Picture” button like it’s going off to war. The only real goal of this game is to amuse yourself and have recorded evidence of what you’re like while drunk. (For instance, I discovered that when I’m drinking, my sort-of-lazy eye comes out.) Here’s an example of a night a few months ago where I played the game:

Picture Drinking Game. (Click that shit. You’ll laugh, I promise)

There were literally like 100 more pictures, but I only put in these to save time. (Because I love you all.)

2. Drunk “Simon Says”

I know it doesn’t sound that awesome, but I’ve convinced enough people to play who now agree that it is. Especially if you’re “Simon”. (You can watch all your friends make themselves look like assholes, and they enjoy it.) All you need for this one is about 3 or more people. I suppose you could play with 2, but that’s lame. The best is when you’ve got a nice-sized group.

If you don’t already know the rules, one person is “Simon” and stands in front of everyone else. They use commands like “Simon says cut off your arm”, but if “Simon” doesn’t say “Simon Says…” (i.e. just “Cut off your arm”), then whoever follows the command has to drink. At the end, the last person not passed out on the floor becomes the new “Simon”.

I don’t know why these people are in their underpants.

3. Drunk “Newlywed Game”

This one is great if you’re hanging out with couples and one person is single. No longer are you the fifth wheel, singles! You should probably have at least 4 people (they don’t necessarily have to be couples, but it makes more sense), lots of paper, and pens. Also, you’ll need to come up with some questions to ask, which can either be the normal boring ones, or dirty gross/private ones. (The latter is more fun.) I would provide some examples, but you can think of your own funny questions.

4. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Drink

Self-explanatory. You lose, you drink.

So there you go. It’s a short list, but I’m not that creative. One idea I had written down for this was “Drink Till You’re Dry”, and I honestly cannot remember what that means. (I was drunk.) Anyway, have a great Labor Day everybody!!